I've picked myself up and I'm coming back for more

The past week has been the hardest one yet, but the Lord has not failed to teach me through it. A lot of things happened earlier in the week to cause some strain (I won't expound on them), but on Thursday when I had my interview with Dr. Bennett and got my two Church History papers back, I couldn't handle it anymore. I got a D on one of them because I accidentally wrote the entire thing on the wrong topic. I was so mortified I almost broke down right there in my interview, though of course that would have terrified Dr. Bennett because he doesn't really know how to converse with women even when they are entirely composed, so I controlled myself (as Mrs. P would say)*. I listened calmly to his critiques and nodded and apologized for being so stupid, managed to form complete sentences and then lit out. I smashed my feet into my hiking boots and by the time the door had closed behind me I was crying, so I stopped a moment in the alley and then walked home. You can't just cry walking down Fifth Avenue... there are too many people and cars and whatnot. Anyway, within minutes (I walked very briskly) I was down in our basement behind the dryer on the phone with Mommy. It's the safest place to weep and even then its not very safe, because after I had gathered myself together I went upstairs and Adrienne gave me a big hug. So much for secrecy, but I was glad somebody hugged me, since I was feeling very hug-deprived. 

So that was the glorious climax of my week, but life goes on and I've recovered from my grief and humiliation. Isn't that a noble sentence? Within the month I will probably look back on this post and laugh. I jolly well hope so, but I've recovered enough already to concede that a D on a Church History paper will not affect God's great plan for my life or factor at all in Eternity (at least I hope not). It was a sharp reminder to be humble... I had forgotten to practice humility in the last couple weeks since I was too busy trying to get smarter all the time so I could excel above others. Not very noble at all, am I? But that is not what learning is about, and that is certainly not what life is about. I am taking a course in Church History, I wrote a very nice paper and got a D because I wasn't paying attention, and what have I learned? Have I learned to spout off all the forms of ecclesiastical ministry in the first and second centuries? Obviously not because I didn't even write on that topic (looking back, I'm not entirely sure what I did write on). 

I have learned that I am not here at Augustine College to become a Super Smart Snob, or even a Moderately Smart Snob. I am here to grow in the knowledge of the Lord, which was my original plan when I applied. I am here to discover what He has made me to do for Him. And how am I supposed to do anything for Him if I do not learn humility? And, for the record (as Rebecca would say): All that I am and all my "talents" and "smarts" and "gifts" are from Him. They are His gifts. And if I work on them and perfect them as I do in proper study, I am perfecting His gifts, and their function is to be used for Him. So I have learned something. What is a D when it teaches you something new about God and your relation to Him? Pretty cool, that's what. 

*Mrs. Pinkerton, not to be confused with Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, though I am sure she also has some wisdom to share on the virtue of self-control.